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Hello, fellow tinkerer 👋 -

Happy Wednesday. Today is my oldest daughter's birthday. She was stillborn back in 2015. So it's a somber day every year. We always get a cake to honor her.

1) Reflection:

Talking about pregnancy loss makes some people uncomfortable. And yet, by not talking about it, parents who experience losing a baby feel isolated.

I started writing about grief and loss shortly after Nelle died (within days). At first, it was to process my own feelings. But I've continued, now nine years later, so other people know they're not alone.

My posts are far less frequent now, but I still think about her, all the time, and wonder who she would have been.

2) Tip:

I started seeing a therapist after Nelle died. She gave me a tip I still use to this day, when I'm feeling particularly grief-stricken or anxious. She told me to go outside and observe the world as a child does, noticing things that are beautiful or out of place. It gets you focusing on something other than what's going on inside your head.

A good friend of mine (and fellow bereaved parent) shared another tip, specifically for anxiety. She says to count something in the room, like books on a bookshelf or tiles on the floor. I used this a lot when I was pregnant again after loss and so anxious, all the time. Counting forces you to focus on something and can also help you regulate your breathing, if you breathe in and out as you count.

3) Product:

Even if you've never experienced loss yourself, chances are, you know someone who has. And it's really awkward when you don't know what to say (and trust me — some things people say are really hurtful, even if unintentionally so).

I love the book There's No Good Card for This: What To Say and Do When Life Is Scary, Awful and Unfair to People You Love by Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell. I've bought copies and given them to other people. Emily McDowell also has a fantastic line of empathy cards.

Want more ideas?

→ Here's a list of AI tools I actually find useful.

→ I've used Moleskine notebooks before and found this article really interesting. (I'm an avid notebook collector, as many writers are!)

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That's it for this issue of Tinkering! See you again in two weeks.

Cheers,
Anna

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